Need Help? You Can’t Get What You Don’t Ask For

Need Help? You Can’t Get What You Don’t Ask For


It’s an old cliche that men won’t ask for directions (it’s also not true, as women are actually a little less likely to ask for directions on the road than men are). 

Luckily, thanks to GPS, we really don’t have to ask for help to get around on the roads quite as often as we used to. However, we do still have plenty of asking to do in other areas of life. 

If you’re in a relationship, you may be accustomed to talking only with your partner about life issues and relying on their feedback. It’s great to have that kind of positive relationship, but sometimes you need to be able to widen your net, to figure out how to ask for help and how to gain a new perspective from others. 

asking for help

1. Find someone you think you can trust

When you know it’s time to ask for help, you want to start with the right people. You may immediately think of talking to a family member or a close friend. While they can be excellent resources for sharing confidences or building relationships, you’re not limited to these folks alone when you’re asking for help.

Instead, you may find it’s easier to ask for help from a professional (like a counselor or therapist) or from a relatively new friend or acquaintance. It can sometimes be less intimidating to share information or to ask for help when your relationship isn’t weighed down by other baggage.

Consider talking with another man who demonstrates empathy or who has been in the same kind of situation you’re facing. Finding a group of men to connect with and openly share with can be really powerful and can give you an unprecedented ability to open up and to feel comfortable asking for help. 

2. Realize it’s not about you

If you need to ask for help, that doesn’t affect your value as a person. It doesn’t mean you’re incompetent or that you can’t do things on your own. 

Asking for help isn’t associated with your worth. Feeling like you don’t have anyone you can rely on for help isn’t your fault. 

Our society and our work culture continue to pile on excessive demands, leaving us exhausted at the very thought of creating the connections we desperately need. 

Asking for help is a wise choice and one that will pay dividends, whether you’re asking for support in your relationships, getting feedback on parenting, requesting mentoring on your career path or guidance on setting long-term goals. 

3. Be willing to be vulnerable

Unfortunately, many men are socialized to believe that needing others is a sign of weakness and that being a vulnerable man is unmanly.

If you feel like you don’t know how to ask for help, it might be because you’ve internalized the message that asking for support or relying on interpersonal connections is unmanly. 

Instead, try opening up and showing vulnerability whether you’re connecting with other men, a partner or a family member. 

Vulnerability isn’t showing weakness. Instead, it’s expressing your true feelings, being open and leaning into whatever may happen, rather than keeping up walls to protect yourself from embarrassment, fear or rejection. 

4. Stay calm

When you’re getting ready for a favor or figuring out how to ask for help, do you feel tension and anxiety creeping up on you? Anxiety typically occurs in this type of situation because by asking for help, you’re ceding control over an aspect of your life. 

Don’t let it win, and don’t let it stop you from getting the support you need. 

Work past it. Give yourself a few minutes to get calm, to think about what you want to say, and to build connection and rapport. 

Yes, figuring out how to ask for help can be stressful, but it’s far more stressful to go through life without help and supportive connections with others. 

5. Show gratitude and pass it forward

When you receive help from someone, doesn’t it feel like a burden has been lifted from your shoulders? 

You can keep that feeling going by offering your help and support to others around you. 

In our men’s groups, for example, men build circles of connection so they can share what they’ve learned and provide a support system for one another. 

Once you’ve built a network where asking for help and getting support is natural, and where men are investing in each other’s success and wellbeing, you’ll have ready resources when you need to ask for help, and the opportunity to offer your own help and support to the men around you. 

Help is Waiting for You

Still concerned about taking that first step and figuring out the right way to ask for help? 

Let EVRYMAN provide the fundamentals to make your asks easier and more productive, and to begin building a circle of connection and trust. 


    Personally Im impressed by the quality of this. Generally when I come across these sort of things I like to post them on Digg. This article probably wont do well with that crowd. Ill take a look around your site though and submit something else.

    Reply Reply
  2. Tomasz Michałowski

    Hey there I am so happy I found your web site, I really found you by mistake, while I was browsing on Google for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to say cheers for a incredible post and a all round entertaining blog (I also love the theme/design), I don't have time to look over it all at the minute but I have bookmarked it and also included your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read much more, Please do keep up the awesome job.

    Reply Reply
  3. Tomasz Michałowski

    Thanks for the nice writing. I have bookmarked your site and will be back to read more!

    Reply Reply
  4. Tomasz Michałowski

    I have been reading the posts, and I absolutely concur with what Sam said.

    Reply Reply

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Carl Radke

Carl Radke, Pittsburgh native and Syracuse University TV/Film grad has been working around the TV industry since he was 20 as a model/actor/production assistant. You may recognize Carl from starring as a TV personality on the hit Bravo reality series ‘Summer House’ which began airing in 2017 and Season 7 coming on the horizon. He also currently serves as VP of Sales for Loverboy and is a founding member of the growing better for you alcohol brand. Carl has always had a close relationship to mental health advocacy with his involvement with Heal Our Heroes/Headstrong, a non-profit for mental health resources for our military veterans. Through his own mental health journey Carl has been focused on meditation, therapy, acupuncture to compliment his self care. In August 2020 Carl lost his older brother to several years of addiction and mental health issues. Carl hopes to share his journey and his brother’s story to help families and individuals to break the stigma around addiction and mental health in our society.

Carl Radke

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