Read more about the movement.
God, I’m so uncomfortable. My palms are sweating and my heart is pounding. Why did I think this was a good idea? I could be home right now with my girlfriend and my dog, having a beer and watching Netflix. But no.
Instead, I’m staring directly into the eyes of this small, pale man with a huge red beard. Andrew. I think he said his name was Andrew. From Alaska. His breath smells like peppermint and pine needles. Did he eat pine needles? Can you eat pine needles?
In 2017, Dan Doty founded Evryman, an organization that creates a space for men to come together and learn skills relating to being expressive and open, hoping to impact future generations of men. Doty and Evryman members Aaron Blaine and Rajiv Lahens sit down on TODAY to talk about the movement.
On a Monday night in a sparsely decorated room in Midtown Manhattan, a group of approximately 20 men including an endocrinologist, a sportscaster, a policeman and an employee of the United Nations were baring their souls.
“I’ve been digging deep with my girlfriend and we are having those talks about moving forward in our relationship, and I’m having nights where I can’t sleep,” said Andrew Cummings, 44, an opera singer in New York who has performed at Carnegie Hall.
The 32-year-old founder of Tribute.co, a video montage platform recently dubbed by the New Yorker as “Hallmark 2.0,” recalled throwing things and slamming doors – but never actually expressing his anger. So, one of the attendees in his men’s-only meeting group handed him a pillow while the others encouraged him to scream into it. He let out a guttural release of primal rage.
“I felt a lot better,” he explained.
Horn says the key to unlocking his emotions has been discovering “modern masculinity,” a movement of men exploring their emotions in small group settings.
Each week, at an apartment in Brooklyn, a small collection of guys get together to sift through and discover some of their deepest feelings—their secret fears, their hidden desires, their private shortcomings—in the hope that they can become better men. It’s a messy, emotional, imperfect project that’s part of a growing movement of men reexamining the expectations of masculinity. And it has changed my life.
With school starting back up and working from home being what it is, I have the rare privilege of dropping off and picking up my six-year-old son as he goes to and from school every day. As a dutiful father, I always ask how his day went and he entertains me with stories from class, interactions with new friends, and of course, recess.
In a chalet in the Massachusetts countryside, tears run down Lucas Krump’s cheeks as he pours his heart out at one of a new kind of support group growing in popularity among American men.
‘There were moments this year when I wanted to give up,’ the 40-year-old told the circle of participants, all tired of trying to live up to traditional male stereotypes.
One of the scariest moments in my life was a near-drowning in my early 20s. I was in the jungle in Ecuador, studying and learning about indigenous culture.
A group of fellow students and I were down on the Napo river, a big, broad, brown stretch of water. We were with some local kids who wanted to swim out to a nearby island.
I host a weekly virtual happy hour for men all around the country and the world. Remarkably, these men have already opted into an ethos of vulnerability, connection, and personal growth.
The happy hour is simply a relaxed and fun time to tell stories and get to know each other, but the participants come in with their guard down.
“Better out than in.”
This phrase cracks me up. It’s a folk saying that seems to go way back, but you might’ve heard it from “Shrek.”
I’m not totally sure what it means, but it’s good advice for us all in the realm of emotions.
Especially for men.
My first son was born in Montana. We went on our first hike when he was 2 weeks old. I started in the neighborhood, strapping him to my chest in the early morning.
It was a win-win: His mom got some uninterrupted sleep and Duke and I got our quiet, simple time together.
“You’re being reborn,” the voice says. “Exiting the womb of your mother. Coming into the earth as a small baby. Everything is new.” It is a Saturday morning in mid-March, and right now I’m lying on a yoga mat in a lodge in Ohio, surrounded by fifty other men who’ve come to the Midwest for a weekend of manhood-confirming adventures. The voice in question belongs to Aaron Blaine, a facilitator for Evryman, the men’s group orchestrating this three-day retreat. All around me, men are shedding tears as Blaine leads us on a guided meditation, a kind of archetypal montage of Norman Rockwell boyhood.
Already in the last month, we’ve seen men amaze and inspire. Douglas Hurley and Robert Behnken blasted off into space. A 26-year-old race car driver, Bubba Wallace, bravely inspired NASCAR to ban the Confederate Flag at all its tracks. And George Floyd proved that, even in death, one person can inspire a global movement.
Several weeks ago, I ventured up to the Berkshires on a cold Friday morning to participate in a three day intensive retreat organized by a powerful organization called EVRYMAN. I‘ve been involved in nearly a dozen trainings and retreats over the past two years. This one stretched me and brought me well beyond my edge like no other has. I’m still processing what I experienced that weekend.
More than two dozen men gathered with the deceptively difficult task of sharing their feelings, but through a series of exercises and activities, Dan Doty and other facilitators inspired participants to explore and express their emotions.
“A good portion of the men had a deep and profound emotional release,” recalled Casey Meade Rothstein-Fitzpatrick, who runs Race Brook Lodge and attended the retreat.
Genuine question: Why don’t we invite more men to become their #bestselves?
At the risk of sounding like a men’s rights activist Missing The Point Entirely, self-care really is one of the rare spaces where women dominate the culture, while men face countless gender-based stigmas and barriers to entry. (Don’t celebrate the win too much, though, ladies because we’ve still got the Pink Tax in the self-care industry to disadvantage us!)
I had known Nick less than 24 hours before I told him I loved him. As a dozen men looked on, our embrace was long, and heartfelt. When we finally broke away I was sure to add “I am not your mother,” a statement with which Nick agreed.
This was my welcome to the world of men-only support groups, a new crop of organizations aimed at getting men to be more open with their feelings and combat toxic behaviors.
Sheffield (United States) (AFP) – In a chalet in the Massachusetts countryside, tears run down Lucas Krump’s cheeks as he pours his heart out at one of a new kind of support group growing in popularity among American men.
“There were moments this year when I wanted to give up,” the 40-year-old told the circle of participants, all tired of trying to live up to traditional male stereotypes.
At a weekend retreat in the Berkshire Mountains of Massachusetts, more than 50 men talk about their emotions, their careers, their relationships — the kind of issues that would otherwise be saved for a therapy session.
This is Evryman — a new program that doesn’t follow a 12-step model. It isn’t religious or political, and it’s open to anyone who identifies as male. Intensive mountain getaways are on offer, but most meetings are informal neighborhood groups in an apartment or office.
The times they are a-changing. Just a couple of years ago it would have been unimaginable for a British journalist to attack the titans of Silicon Valley from the main stage of TED, the living room of optimistic, exuberant tech. But that’s exactly what happened last week in Vancouver when Carole Cadwalladr, who had long been reporting on Cambridge Analytica and Facebook’s role in Brexit, accused the “tech gods” of having “facilitated multiple crimes in the EU referendum.”
Every year I compile a list of technology, business and self-improvement conferences that have the potential to positively impact your business, career and life. Personally, the conferences I attended in 2018 helped me make new connections with leaders in key industries I’m focusing on, discover the latest trends and information needed to make good decisions or take action, and learn how I can continue to evolve into the best version of myself.
WHEN SAN FRANCISCO art director and filmmaker Skyler Vander Molen, 33, embarked on a diet two years ago, he wasn’t focused on losing weight. He was just trying to feel better. As he entered his early 30s, he’d started having trouble concentrating, experiencing what he called “brain fog”.
There are a lot of commercials and celebrities and “celebrities” and books and hashtags and approximately 73 podcasts and at least one Bagel Bites campaign telling us how to be better fathers, husbands, friends, and colleagues. Their business is self-improvement—the individual and collective betterment of the male species—and they’re selling wokeness and intentionality, self-awareness and feminism.
Colin Kroll was the co-founder of Vine and HQ Trivia, both consumer sensations that brought joy to millions; Anthony Bourdain had been a chef, journalist and philosopher who brought understanding and connectedness to millions of lives; Robin Williams built a career as a brilliant comedian and actor.
Men suffer higher rates of suicide and drug abuse than women. Many are anxious and lonely—and, as a result, they’re all too often angry and violent. Wilderness Collective thinks the solution lies in open spaces, UTVs, and fireside talks. But is that enough?
Dan Doty has dedicated his life to men’s mental health and the direct link between our mental health and our overall well-being. According to him, connection and taking on challenges together is the only way to thrive. I recently sat down with him to discuss how men can take care of their mental health during this COVID19 pandemic and beyond, to complement a previous article on how to spend your “Quarantime.”
For years during my own emotional health journey, I could have used the principles and tools that our co-founder Owen Marcus developed over the last 40 years, but I didn’t know they existed. I also would have benefited much sooner from the support of other guys in the process, but I didn’t know how or where to find them. EVRYMAN’s commitment is to provide access to both the tools and the other guys, essentially.
When will you stop working nights and weekends?
When do you plan to use your college degree?
Those who work in retail are familiar with these questions. For most, it makes them feel like the career they love was all just an accident. Ron Thurston knows that feeling very well…
Over the course of one weekend last month, no fewer than 55 men opened up about their weaknesses and insecurities at the chalet, as snow fell quietly in the woods outside.
“I am sad. I am afraid,” says Michael. He wished he could tell his family how he feels, but finds it hard.
Forty of America’s wokest men are sitting in a circle on a mountaintop in Ojai, California. Many are wearing AllBirds and joggers, taking notes in their Moleskines. The only woman anyone notices is Esther Perel, the 60-year-old, sun-tanned couples’ therapist in jeans, a spaghetti strap top and platform sandals.