Somewhere around 40, a lot of men start asking dangerous questions.
Is this it? What have I actually accomplished? Why don't I feel more fulfilled?
Society calls this a "midlife crisis" and expects us to buy a sports car or make some other dramatic, external change. But what's actually happening is deeper and more valuable: we're waking up to questions we've been avoiding.
The Midlife Invitation
Here's the reframe: midlife isn't a crisis. It's an invitation.
For the first half of life, most of us were focused on:
- Building careers
- Starting families
- Proving ourselves
- Achieving external markers of success
These aren't bad things. But they're not enough. At some point, we realize that the ladder we've been climbing might be leaning against the wrong wall.
The invitation of midlife is to ask: What do I actually want my life to be about?
Why Purpose Matters More Now
Research shows that a sense of purpose is one of the strongest predictors of:
- Longevity
- Mental health
- Life satisfaction
- Resilience through challenges
In our 20s and 30s, we can coast on ambition and achievement. But those fuels run out. Purpose is the sustainable energy source for the second half of life.
How to Find (or Refind) Your Purpose
1. Start With What's Wrong
Sometimes the easiest way to find purpose is to notice what bothers you. What problems do you see that you can't ignore? What injustices make you angry? What needs do you notice that aren't being met?
Purpose often lives in the gap between what is and what should be.
2. Look Back Before Looking Forward
Your purpose probably isn't something new. Look at your life:
- When have you felt most alive?
- What activities make you lose track of time?
- What would you do even if you weren't paid?
- What have people consistently thanked you for?
The clues are already there.
3. Experiment, Don't Plan
You can't think your way to purpose. You have to act your way there.
Try things. Volunteer. Take on new projects. Have conversations with people doing interesting work. Notice what energizes you and what drains you.
Purpose reveals itself through action, not reflection alone.
4. Think Contribution, Not Achievement
Achievement asks: "What can I get?" Contribution asks: "What can I give?"
The shift from achievement to contribution is often the key transition of midlife. It doesn't mean abandoning ambition — it means redirecting it toward impact.
5. Find Your People
Purpose isn't a solo project. We need others to:
- Mirror back our strengths
- Challenge our blind spots
- Hold us accountable
- Share the journey
Find a community of people also asking these questions. You'll go further together.
The Gift of Time
Here's the good news about being 40+: you have something you didn't have at 25.
You have perspective. You know what doesn't work. You've learned what matters. You have skills and resources you've built over decades.
You also have urgency. The illusion of infinite time is gone. That's not depressing — it's clarifying.
The second half of life can be the most meaningful. But only if you're willing to ask hard questions and make real changes.
The invitation is open. Will you accept it?
Connect with other men navigating midlife transitions. Join an EVRYMAN crew and find your purpose together.
